You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
