We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
