You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm just crazy horny about you
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Pooping to opera.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
