He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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