I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize