we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
