wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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