i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
