I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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