Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
