i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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