I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
