I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
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Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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