Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
