Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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