just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
