We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
