I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
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