Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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