Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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