I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
