yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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