I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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