dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
