Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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