This is not my ceiling
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im just a social blackout drinker.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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