Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
