The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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