I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
