I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
