I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
