My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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