I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
