dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
