Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
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a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
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She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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