smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
