She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
