you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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