you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
