Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
