i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
