i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
