is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
