Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Come share oat with me in your robe
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit