tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.