i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do