perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.