I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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