these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me