I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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