so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
