I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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