How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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