so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
