On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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