Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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