Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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