just come out here and I will go home with you...
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
