there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
