Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
BRING THE BAGELS
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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