He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
