anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
