i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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