Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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