We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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